I have been at my parents' since the 1st of October. I was half-relieved to return because of all the wahala back in Lagos but I knew I was in for such a turbulent time. My mum had an unfortunate car accident a few days before.

So being here has not been easy for my diet and exercise. The thing is there are so many triggers in my parents' area for me. For one of course they do not cook as healthily as I have started doing, secondly there's just so much to eat, and thirdly I am still fighting with the negativity that is arising as a result of the debt I am in and the problems I am facing. I even went back to old habits of late night eating and drinking coke. Because of this I was going to write a post about how I have to get back on track and blah, blah, blah. But after reading through several posts on Nelly's blog I have decided to encourage myself.

Despite the fact that I have been cheating and eating wrong, I have seen the changes that exercise has made on me.

My clothes are looser. No more tight dresses with my big tummy pushing out! Even with the jumpsuit that I hate! I can actually zip up my tracksuit jacket and the arms aren't tight.

I have more energy to play with my daughter. I race her to the car, play ball with her. It's amazing and I know she loves it.

My face looks slightly slimmer

When I exercise I sleep better, no snoring

Now I am looking forward to

Wearing that orange dress in the closet
A dramatic shift on the scale in the hospital
Wearing my two shorts in the wardrobe

I will pick myself up- no- I hereby pick myself up and return to my healthy meals. I turn a blind eye to whatever my failures have been before today.

I will succeed

And So On And So Forth

I cannot say it enough but your state of mind affects your weightloss and your diet plan. I have been eating for comfort these past two/ three days because a lot of things have me stressed, worried and not in control.

-My mum had an accident, she was knocked down by her own car with my daughter in it
-I was called to execute a radio campaign complete with media buying worth  $8000  and then the next day it was suspended for no given reason
- The water supply system in my house is down again and I have zilch in terms of money and no water
- I am in debt of about 90k
- I have a job interview/ presentation tomorrow and it seems to be in an area of specialty where I dont have any training or competence, and I feel afaid
- I am flat broke

In all these I still went to the gym on Saturday. I worked out for about 2 hours. And I am still counting calories.

I guess everyday cannot be the same. I just need to not give up.

Ten Days And Counting

So I have been dieting for 10 days now and I have realised that I must have a realistic diet to make any progress. As a result I havent cut out eba or any of those things, just drastically reduced it. But at the back of my mind it is a forbidden fruit so I didnt even eat it yesterday. I ate only soup.

I went to the fitness challenge on Saturday. Jesu! The workout was something else. About an hour and a half or 2 hours for aerobics. I also went swimming afterwards and all that was after I had done 30 minutes on the treadmill o. My body is still aching.

In other news I found out I weigh 97.25 now, which is a drop from my 99! And that was on Saturday, before the exercise.

I felt myself falling into a depression today when I realised that I have only 3 days left to pay Shade. I really dont want to hurt her. But I have to let go and let God. And God is showing up because BC just invited me for an interview/ presentation.

This whole weight loss thing is directly related to a lot of battles we are facing in our personal lives. I will not let this opportunity I have gotten pass me by. This is my time to make something better of myself, and I will.

Tomorrow is another day at the gym.

The Story So Far

I cant believe it’s been 5 days already. So far I have been good except for the fact that I ate bread. But that was because I had no alternative. And just by default I have been cutting off my eating by 8. Solid food, that is. I eat veggies and fruits if necessary.

Today was a particularly tough day because it was terribly hot and I wanted a coke so badly, which is my usual MO. But I could not believe how I settled for water instead. I just remembered that I had made a pledge to myself and I stuck to it. Also, yesterday, after a particularly difficult day, Mummy kept a drink (malt) for me. I actually opened it then declined and did not even look back. I am so proud of myself. Now what I need is to support it with exercise.

Over the past few days I learnt a few things:

Losing weight is a journey about learning to forgive yourself and be kinder to yourself. It make s a lot of sense to me because I am my own worst critic. But from now, if I ever fall of the wagon I will remember this and just dust myself off and continue. I can do it,

Positivity and positive affirmations are not just important but absolutely necessary. I draw my strength from God and talk to him daily about who I am, who I want to be and how I think I will get there.

I have not practiced this yet but when I am exhausted at the gym, I will draw on the same reserves of strength I draw on when I have chores to do but I am exhausted. I think it is the same principle; don’t stop till you are done.

No, Seriously...!

Hi M

You know what time it is, figuratively not literally. The decision has to be made and has to be followed through, from now. It is time to take your life into your own hands and mould it, time to stop being a victim and be a victor. Time for the lifestyle change that will lead to your weight loss.

The reason you are writing this is because you believe you have not gained the momentum and strong desire necessary to propel you into action and to sustain the pace for the ongoing fitness challenge in which you are a participant. The thing is you do not have the time or the opportunity to delay this any longer. You are finally at your lowest, physically, spiritually, psychologically, financially- every way possible. You are questioning your situation; why am I always the one in need among my friends? Why do things always happen to me? How did I get here? How can I get out of here? 

The physical situation summed up is this: you have been out of a job for approximately 4 months now because you walked out on your previous job after all the abuse you were receiving, you are bankrupt and in debt to the tune of about 130000 naira and cannot afford your daughter’s fees or even feeding, you have to leave your accommodation in 3 or so months thanks to a spat with your landlady, and the way it is looking, you may be on your way back to Benin. In relation to your weight, because of your many issues you began medicating with food, so much so that you’ve blown up to a size 18 ( and counting), and 99 kg! Coca-cola and dairy milk chocolates are your poison of choice. Rice is your waterloo. I found myself searching my mum's bag for 60 naira to buy a bottke of coke today! As a result few of your clothes fit you, and you literally hate your reflection in the mirror. You cannot wear heels for even an hour anymore and even the ones that fit are giving way due to your weight. mo

Psychologically you hate everything about yourself and your situation right now.  For the past 2 months or so you have refused to leave your house primarily because of how you believe you look. You are confused as to what else to do about your situation because you seem to have tried everything, you were even contemplating suicide until a few days ago...

But lately you have been reading Nelly Agbogu’s blog and you picked up an old O magazine and you've re-learned a few life truths:

God starts where your strength stops.

You are not the product of your circumstances. You are a composite of all the things you believe, and all the places you believe you can go...You can step out of your history and create a new day for yourself...Even if every bad thing that can happen to you, does. - Oprah

My point with all of this is that I will, I must, I have decided to move forward. From today, I am making a pledge to myself to cut out the crap. I will start by taking out the unnecessary excesses- sugar (coke, chocs, ice cream, biscuits, bread, cake, etc.) I mindfully drank my last bottle of coke today.  I will continue by reducing portions of the otherwise healthy foods and cutting out late snacking. I will also do my best to attend the gym assigned to us by the fitness challenge.

I am not good at maintaining long-term goals so I am going to give you all the personal reasons we need to do this:

Dont be your dad to your daughter

Remember who you were, how you were

Joke

Bi did it

Nosayaba did it

Nelly did it

The ex-work bosses that think you cant be anything

The exes that could swear you couldnt

Irish Jos who helped you sabotage

For the future you want

Lord, help me as I commit to being me. In your presence I make this pledge today to give myself the healthy nutrition I need, to eliminate the unhealthy choices and to push my body to burn the fat through exercise. Please help me LOrd