Where I Am

So I have been struggling with my mind and going for my one hour walks lately. I think I am in need of a little visual motivation. My last walk was about 40 minutes although I ran quite a bit, but I could tell my mind wasn't in it. Another issue that has been difficult for me is controlling my portions and my eating. I find myself ravenous and gluttonous. I think part of the issue is the fear of falling ill as I was a while back. Another part of the problem is not being able to afford or access readily the things I really should be eating ( healthy food); and the last bit is I am seriously avoiding hunger as it makes me sad. Closely related to my struggle with exercise was the incident between me and a former client who tried to change our agreement then accused me of being inflexible and called off the contract. It was not her I was worried about as much as whether I would be able to keep any job...
To get back on track I must try to recall why I started exercising. The primary reason is I wanted pheromones. And for a while it was working; I come back home pumped and excited. But ever since I realised how it could be dnagerous for me to walk with my iPod and headphones I havent enjoyed the walks as much. I think that is why I run, actually.Swimming is another sport I enjoy but I cannot afford to go regularly at the moment. Training DVDs bore me silly, though I hear they are very effective.
I also went in the hope that I could lose some excess weight. That is not going so well, though as I am eating like my life depended on it.
Going forward, I must take these steps to ensure I stay motivated
1.  Read stories of those who managed to lose weight using DVDs (like Chioma of My Reborn Hair).
2. Read weightloss stories
 3. Switch up the exercise as often as possible
 4. Add more songs to your iPod and change your route
5. Whether you are controlling portions or not try to stop eating by 6